An Ode to You.

---

I feel like I'm forgetting you

It's been 3 years since you passed but I'm already losing the memories of the 23 years we've spent together.

It's been too long since I've heard your voice, kissed your cheek, and hugged you in your room before I went to sleep.

I'd give anything to just pray with you again.

Teach me a new word or hymn like you loved to do. Baptized me in your love over and over. Take me in your arms of refuge and grant me asylum from this never-ending grief.

I know you want me to be strong but experiencing life without you has been unbearable.

My sadness comes and goes but the worst feeling is being happy then having the piercing realization that you're no longer here to share it with me.

But I wouldn't wish you back here if it meant you'd be suffering. Restricted to a bed not really living or struggling to breathe.

Nights I spent next to your hospital bed watching your heavy breaths slowly crashing up and down & into your chest.

I remember that Tuesday morning when those tumultuous waves just stopped.

As you exhaled, I exhaled with you ... & for a short moment I was at peace with you.

No more pain - and oddly in that moment you're released into serenity was beautiful.

I wish I could find that solace now in your presence.

To be able to call you "Mommy" and hear you reply.

---