"To Have Kids or Not to Have Kids?"

by Jai Highness

” To have kids or not to have kids?” This is the question every woman faces if they have not yet entered motherhood. For most women, your told to not have premarital sex, don’t be fast or a floozy, and most of all don’t get pregnant out of wedlock. For many years, I associated pregnancy with fear and not the potential joys of motherhood or building a family – I was afraid of potentially raising a child alone. So many times, I see extraordinary black women going to work, attending school, and while holding down a family. As I approach 30, I wanted to reflect on the potential positives and negatives of having children.

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Legacy: Legacy: For me, I began to contemplate whether I wanted to be the older fabulous aunty without kids or a grandmother surrounded by her grand-babies. Accomplishments such as owning property or homes, companies, or culture. Family can be a key component that helps keep those traditions and wealth alive.

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Parenthood Responsibility: Are you financially ready to be a parent? Let’s be honest, you and I are expensive alone, so adding a child to the mix will introduce you to a world of bills that you didn’t know existed. As a child, I knew I had the privilege with my mother to not exactly worry about where she was getting the money for that dance club I wanted to join or how much it really cost to take the whole family to Disney World. I did not understand the work that was put in to obtain a decent wage for a four-family household. Honestly, I do miss it – my mother always said to never rush into adulthood because it’s not what it cracked up to be. I want to make sure I’m in a great financial and emotionally-stable state and environment before having children.

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Health Risks: Pregnancy can be physically taxing on the body for women from anemia, growing shoe sizes, varicose veins, gestational diabetes, and morning sickness. For more information: https://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/preconceptioncare/conditioninfo/health-problems

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Mental Health: Postpartum depression is a mental illness for a long time many in society did not acknowledge as a serious issue. I am not a mother nor have I ever been pregnant, so I cannot speak to the magnitude of the effects of postpartum depression. But I can speak to the fear of losing your identity or individuality in motherhood, I’ve seen many women in my life sacrifice their dreams, health, and social life for their children. Now, I will always appreciate and applaud all the time and effort my mother and many other smothers put in to be present in a child’s life. This helps the child emotionally, mentally, and physically develop in a safe and loving environment. Motherhood is all about the attentiveness to your children. But what about the nurturing of yourself as well?. Society almost teaches women to deny themselves the simple pleasures or personal time in life in the name of motherhood, which has proven to have a mentally draining effect on many mothers that translate into stress.

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Traveling is not the same when you have a child in a picture. Either, it can become a trip for the kids to experience a whole other place and culture but taxing on the parents who won’t have much adult time. That’s why it is important to experience as much as you can for yourself before you travel with a family. Your traveling experience may be limited depending on the age of the children. I’m just not ready to give up the adult-only side of the all-inclusive resorts.

Do you have any fears or reasons your hesitant to become a parent? Write down your experience and reasons below in the comment section. We want to hear from you!