I'm Not Your Super Woman!

For some reason, everyone seems to over rely on Black women. In the workplace, we are the “hidden figures” of a company’s success. In our families, we are Wonder Woman, Big Mama, the selfless child and the therapist. In friend circles, regardless if it is multiracial, we are the voice of reason, the life of the party and unfortunately sometimes the “friend that never needs help”. Let me be clear, none of these functions are bad. The problem arises when we are never given the time to be the family member or friend in need of support (emotionally, physically and financially). We are human too!

Property of April Mason (click image to read her original post)

HERE ARE 3 STEPS TO TAKE TO START ON YOUR JOURNEY OF EMOTIONAL PEACE/VULNERABILITY:

1: Before you say “yes” to the next person asking for assistance, acknowledge what you already have on your plate. We oftentimes believe that burning ourselves out is somewhat “progress” and/or the “Christian” thing to do. Wrong! We and everyone else who comes to us for assistance has limits. Recognize your limits, prioritize what brings you rest and NEVER OVER COMMITMENT.

PRO TIP: I no longer overextend myself in volunteer work nor social “obligations”. If the benefit/purpose of said volunteer opportunities or social events is already being tackled another way by me… I will now decline. For example: I would be what the internet calls a Social Justice Warrior. I chose to focus on the healing of people dealing with racial trauma instead of “fighting the good fight out on the front lines." I do ENOUGH in the

background to address societal ills through various platforms/modes. If someone ask me to organize a protest, I will decline. If someone asks me to organize a committee, I will decline. I did that, done that and am now choosing to challenge racial violence/trauma

by healing myself and other Black women through community.

2: Read up on emotional intelligence, vulnerability and other interpersonal things to help you get tuned into yourself. Take this personality test, read up on your Natal (Astrological) chart if need be. Get to understand how you respond to stress so you can recognize it easier and deter it from your life as much as possible. I also highly recommend you read my Am I the Friend I’d Want & Need? Article to learn about tools to help you with your self-reflection.

3: Evaluate your social circle often. Not all friends are meant to be lifelong. Trauma bonding -- relationships that begin/sustain after a traumatic experience -- is a real thing. If these sort of relationships have not grown into healthy ones… it’s better to cut them loose altogether. Trauma is stress, if you and your friend are not healing individually or helping each other heal… you can become stunted emotionally and unable to follow steps ONE and THREE in this article.

It’s time to teach our loved ones and community that we need rest and space to be vulnerable too. If you struggle with saying “no”, asking for help or genuinely feel unsupported… I challenge you to voice that to your closest friend and/or family member.

The world needs to stop telling Black women to be strong. Instead, tell us you understand, tell us you will be there... tell us you will work out the hurt and pain with us. We need to feel all our emotions, honor them and be taken care of too. Stop calling me a strong Black woman!- KimAllNaturelle

How has the idea of the Strong Black Woman/Super Woman impacted you and your life? Comment below and share this post with one of your “strong” sistahs.