Living with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)

Do you all remember that hit show on MTV called True Life? I do. It followed the lives of ordinary people dealing with everyday things. Here is my story.

True Life: I have PCOS.

I’ve always had a strange relationship with my vagina. As puberty beckoned, I had to not only deal with the discomfort of “becoming a woman” but also the pain of becoming fertile. If you’ve watched my past videos on YouTube, I’ve shared rather briefly yet graphically the horrors of my menstrual cycle.

I got my first period at the age of 12 on March 3, 2003. I remember the day specifically because it was the day before my big brother’s birthday. It was around 6:40pm and I was playing man hunt with my neighborhood friends. Hidden in a neighbor’s front yard tree, I was wrapped by the impending sunset. I suddenly felt the urge of urination accompanied by a strange numbing pain in my lower abdomen. I thought, "I must have eaten something bad.” I quickly climbed down the tree, announced my forfeit of the game and ran home to the restroom. I sat down to relieve myself and voila, there it was… Aunt Flow, Bloody Mary, the horrendous menstrual flow. I grabbed a pad from my big sister’s room, put it on and ran back to join my friends outside.

The next day... really years after weren’t as pleasant. My menstrual didn’t return again until I was 13 and let’s just say, she came back with vengeance every month until… I took matters into my own hands. My flow was extremely heavy and would last between 2-3 weeks and disappear for 2-3 months at a time. Worried, my mother brought me to a gynecologist who happened to be a young Black, Jamaican man. My mother didn’t seem to worry about his gender since she would be in the room with me. I, on the other hand, had many feelings. I was nervous, strangely intrigued and somewhat puzzled that a man would become a gynecologist. Anyhow, he asked my mother and I about my level of physical activity. At that time, I was a varsity volleyball player. He went ahead and prescribed me with Naproxen 800 MG, which is basically glorified Ibuprofen, and chalked up my condition to my extreme physical activity.

Fasting forward two years, I have missed weeks on weeks of school because my period literally debilitated me. Although shortened, my periods were still really heavy and would last 7 days. The initial 3 days were always extremely painful. I suffered from severe pain in my abdomen, lower back, groin and breast. I couldn’t hold any food or liquids in due to nausea and vomiting brought on from severe menstrual cramps, also known as dysmenorrhea . The Naproxen prescribed to me stopped working and my mother instituted all the Haitian remedies possible. Running out of options, we sought another gynecologist... this time an older White, German woman. I informed her that I stopped playing volleyball but began dancing rigorously in a troupe. She suggested that I get on birth control to regulate my periods and minimize the pain. My mother and I refused birth control and inquired of natural options. The doctor told me I had to lose weight and stated that I was overweight. At this time, I stood at 5’ 9” and weighed 175 pounds with muscle. My mother said I was healthy and decided to try to take care of me on her own.

I literally loathe the BMI charts. Muscle weighs more than fat! Weighing less pounds doesn't allude to health all the time!

Starting college at Florida International University was a double victory for me. For one, I almost did not graduate high school due to the 36 days I missed my senior year (courtesy of my horrendous menstrual flow). I started to keep my Haitian remedies close and scheduled my social activities around my now regularly scheduled menstrual flow. Despite my attempts to survive the monthly storm that was my period, I found myself passing out in pain on campus. Too many times that I care to admit, random students, faculty and/or staff would find me vomiting, passed out or crying out. I became a regular at the Student Medical Center. Five times over the course of my studies, I’ve ended up under an aluminum blanket at the Center with a slight sore spot on my right or left butt cheek where they’d inject me with heavy ass duty pain medications.

If that wasn’t worse, I started to struggle with acne and facial hair on my face, neck, chest, belly and toes. I decided to seek medical attention elsewhere. I, like many people, began to search my symptoms online and was certain that I was suffering from PCOS. My sophomore year in college, I found an older Cuban female gynecologist and thought she’d finally listen to my concerns and truly give me options. When I mentioned my symptoms and inquired about testing for PCOS, she said I didn’t have it because my period has been regular for over a year. She then recommended birth control and sent me on my merry way.

I've been denied testing for PCOS about 4 times before getting diagnosed in 2018!

Between 19 and 24, my mental health severely declined. I tried everything possible to manage my extreme facial hair and acne. I did make some strides with my menstrual pain and completely eliminated dairy from my diet. Another year later, I found myself in a new city and state battling mental demons. I couldn’t quite explain it but, my weight, acne, facial hair got even worse. I found myself feeling lethargic, depressed and unfocused. Horrible things to deal with while in graduate school. The stress of school and being away from everyone and everything I knew really took an affect on me. I desperately wanted to find answers so I decided, after much prayer and research, to seek another opinion. This time, I found an OBGYN/midwife practice that held non-western approaches as options for their patients. My provider was a midwife/nurse and she finally listened to me. I shared my entire history from puberty to 24 and desperately requested testing. She referred me over to an endocrinologist in September of 2018. Soon after my referral, I received my official diagnosis.

My Diagnosis Helped Me In So Many Ways

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2z_ZgZy9od8

I’ve never felt so happy in my life. At 27 years old, I now had confirmation and lab results from blood work and a 24 hour urine sample to confirm I indeed had PCOS. All the shame I felt regarding my less than appealing physical appearance, my inability to focus and lack of energy to do the things I love, disappeared. My family and friends became less judgmental and more accepting of my weight gain, acne, darkened skin patches and extreme facial hair as a medical condition. I felt liberated but even more importantly, empowered.

I now had a road map to getting parts of my life back.

Fast forward to 2020, I have to say my relationship with my female reproductive system and all her shenanigans is improving. I’ve completely eliminated dairy from my diet and now consciously avoid soy. As a result, I no longer suffer from severe menstrual cramps. I’ve learned to be more confident in my naked body and embraced the uniqueness that was my “flawed skin”. I stopped hiding myself behind my makeup, big hairstyles and neck scarves. Yes, my weight journey is still a work in progress. As of today, I stand at a shocking 236.2 pounds, this is and will be the heaviest I’ve ever been. Learning more about the relationship between my metabolism, nutrition and eating schedule has given me hope. I am now focused on my overall wellbeing and even sought a therapist to help with the mental health symptoms (i.e. depression, anxiety) that comes with PCOS. I have started practicing self-acceptance and healing.

So if you are dealing with PCOS, don’t lose hope. Today is just one step, one look in time, on your journey. Remember:

1. PCOS does not define you: You will get to your goal eventually. Stay consistent and remember you are prevailing. I highly suggest you watch How to Lose Weight with PCOS//Why Losing Weight with PCOS is So Hard by Dr. Carmen James to learn more about your metabolism and chemistry's impact on your weight and how to combat it.

2. You too are deserving of grace. Be patient with yourself: PCOS has been wreaking havoc unchecked for a while. You will have to run a marathon here to reach your goals.

3. Get to love your naked body as it is today. Confidence is an inner strength. Yes, walk in front of that mirror naked everyday and say, “damn, I look good!” Pinpoint your physical features that you admire. For those who do not embrace nudity like us my family and many Caribbean folks lol… make a plan to work on it through means that are comfortable for you.

It will get easier and I will say… you will become a master of your body and mind through your journey to healing. Here are a few tips to get you started:

1. Eat more healthy fats and increase your fiber intake.

2. Probiotics are so important to help with crazy inflammation.

3. Drink lots of water. Take into consideration your weight/size to make sure you are NOT dehydrated. (I have to drink about 100 fl. oz. a day to stay hydrated)

4. Stop or minimize processed foods and drinks.

5. Lean on moderate to light exercises to prevent increases in your androgen levels which exacerbate PCOS symptoms. Working out too hard will indeed make your facial hair grow like Wolverine. I'm speaking from experience here so learn from my mistakes.

6. Remove toxicity, unnecessary stress, from your life. This includes people, places and things. Don't feel guilty for prioritizing yourself.

7. Beauty sleep is a great symptom reducer.

Don't give up. PCOS is manageable and you can live a life you want with it.

For more information on PCOS, visit https://www.pcosaa.org/.