Dating Burnout

I’m going to be hella real with you ladies… I have a long history of dating for 1-2 weeks and quitting for a year. Dating takes commitment, time and energy. There are no shortcuts. Trust, I've tried finding them. As of today, I've been actively dating for about 9 months. I consider that and some of my experiences thus far a major success.

Truth be told, the week of my birthday… I fought the urge to quit again. I grew exhausted because two guys I've been consistently talking to for 2 weeks either ghosted me or struggled to hold deep conversations with me.

I struggle a lot with dating because I need to connect with people on a mental and spiritual level to build intimacy. Without these connections…no relationship can form. It would seem today's dating scene is not for this particular INTJ [a Myers Briggs personality type]. Sigh. I've tried overlooking the need for mental stimulation if I connected spiritually and vice versa but it's hard to keep my attention and desire without both.

So I began to burn out. I've been using up my remaining social energy (after meeting with clients all day) on folks (suitors) that don't energize me. Eventually, responding to text and answering their calls became an unwelcome chore.

Tell-tale signs of dating burnout

1. You begin to question if you'll ever find someone.

2. You begin to think something is wrong with you.

3. You make excuses to cancel dates.

4. Dating begins to feel like a job.

5. Not feeling like you're getting anything from your dates.

6. You grow jaded and ambivalent about all things love, sex and marriage.

What to do when you're burning out?

1. Take a short break and don't actively seek dates.

2. Get offline if using apps. Mute push notifications or delete apps temporarily.

3. Limit your choices and be clear about your ideal mate. Have some non-negotiables? Don't even give anyone a chance that does not meet them. Filter these options on apps and don't feel obligated to agree to dates from everyone.

4. Have a manageable number of suitors you're speaking to at a time. The more folks you talk to, the easier it is to get burned out.

5. Make sure you focus on other parts of your life too.

6. Review your expectations and perception of dating like timeline and process.

7. Evaluate who and why you're dating them. For true connection, action on their part, stability or just boredom.

Have you experienced burnout? What did you do to get out of it in your pursuit of love?