Let's Try Something New this 2021

Hello ladies! I’m sure we’ve all been working on our vision boards for 2021. I certainly am and this would be my very first one. There are about (3) areas in my life that I hope to really flourish this year: my finances, relationships (familial and romantic) and living and not just thriving. All of these areas, of course, are weaved together by my spiritual journey. One thing has become painstakingly clear, all of these areas have had late starts due to my unreadiness and need to stand on a solid foundation. So I will be sharing some tips and tidbits on “how to create your very own vision board” regarding each topic this Spring.

Now this article is titled “Something New” for a reason. In homage to the 2006 film of the same name, starring Sanaa Lathan & Simon Baker, I will be broaching in brief the topic of dating, specifically interracial dating which Jai Highness introduced in her Another Like Me: Path to Self Love article (read it here). Now if you haven’t watched this film, stop reading and watch it on Amazon Prime Video.

Alright… so the narrative on these internet streets is that Black women are the most loyalist women when it comes to dating. I’m not God and can neither confirm nor deny this BUT I can speak about me and my closest girlfriends' experiences. Interracial dating is a horrible way to describe dating another human of a different phenotype for 3 reasons:

1. Folks of the same phenotype don’t automatically share the same ideas.

2. Folks of the same phenotype don’t automatically speak the same language (linguistically, emotionally or intellectually)

3. Folks of the same phenotype don’t automatically share the same values.

So sis, if you feel any “guilt” for dating a non-Black and/or a racially ambiguous man, I pray that God really undo the social programming you may have received from loved ones and society, alike. I want you to instead consider the term “intercultural dating” above the former. What is intercultural dating? Well… looks like you have some homework to do but to get you started, read this site for a general overview.

Now I’ve always been drawn to individuals who consider themselves immigrants or 1st generation American [a term describing folks born in the United States to immigrant parents]. Whether it was my college friends who were Haitian-American (like me), Viatnamese-American, Cambodian-American or Enter Other Country Here-American, we had similar values, experiences and perspectives. Some of my deepest connections were with immigrants and 1st generation Americans.

It took me about 2 years to finally undo the programming that “I [a Black woman] belongs with a Black man.” After realizing the deep relationships I’ve had with other communities outside my safe spaces (i.e. the Haitian and Black communities), I realized that culture mattered more than race. I should be with someone who loves me, sees me, protects me and provides for me and if I narrowed my field of options by race… I would easily miss out on what God has for me. I’m good off that. The world is so much bigger than the United States and luckily for me… the U.S. is the so-called melting pot of people from all around the world. I need not go too far.

REASONS TO BE OPEN TO INTERCULTURAL DATING

1. More dating options.

2. You open yourself up to see the world beyond what you know.

3. You can have more in common with someone from another culture than you realize.

4. Your relationship will forever be one that seeks understanding, learning and sharing the importance of the mundane to the most fantastical things.

MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES WITH DATING INTERCULTURALLY SO FAR

I know Issa Rae made a comment a few years back summarizing that Black women and Asian men should hook up. I don’t know how much thought she put into that statement but from the experiences I’ve had the last 6 months… Black/African & Asian cultures mix really well together values wise. I’m still dating but the guys I’ve connected with the most were of East or South Asian descent. We clicked when it came to family, marriage, communication, spirituality, food (yum yum) and other very important areas in which those dating for marriage seek. What’s more… talking to various Asian men made dating so much more enjoyable. They too, well at least the ones I’ve attracted, are serious about dating intentionally.

Now I’m also talking to some European/White guys, some American and some still connected to their Russian, Italian or German heritage. So far, dating intentionally for marriage has made me focus more on my suitors’ values and how they respect/care for me as a woman more than anything. If you are finding it difficult thinking about being with a human of another phenotype… I urge you to ask yourself these questions?

1. Am I not attracted to everyone of that phenotype? If yes, why?

2. Is there a negative stereotype that makes me overlook someone of said phenotype? If yes, where did I hear/learn this? Is it true for my suitor?

3. Does inherent fear or guilt come over me when I think about opening up to a suitor of another phenotype?

What term do you prefer using, interracial or intercultural? Have you dated that way? If yes, what are your suggestions for folks who are afraid of trying something new. Comment below and subscribe for more posts on dating.