"Are you Ethnic?": The Highs & Lows of Swirldom

Credit: Insecure, HBO

As you can see by the title, I’ve had interesting dating experiences when it comes to potential non-black romantic suitors. This is a responseI got recently on a dating app from a white guy from Indianna, (*eye rolls*) I’m just gonna leave that right there #sayless. When daring to date openly, whether interracially or interculturally you have to be prepared from some ignorance, fetishism, and of course some fun. It's not all bad or all good, because overall the dating climate right now can seem exhausting and frivolous but like life experiences it's not linear, it's just growth. Even I had to grow to be open to other cultures and to expand outside my beautiful Black universe. The only interracial relationship I’ve been in was more of an multiracial one, he was Puerto Rican.

We have to remember that interracial dating isn't just Black and White, there are so many ethnic groups intermingling but in movies/TV we often see this couple depicted (Black Man/White Man, or White Man/Latin Woman or Asian Woman). Finally, the ultimate favorite of all is the Black man and the White woman this can be seen with the recent release of Netflix's Original “Bridgeton”; sidebar this is still a great watch and Regé-Jean Page is fine!!! But back to interracial dating, there are definitely a few things you should understand before pursuing or entering into a interracial relationship. Here’s a few things to keep in mind:

Check your Bias: Growing up we are exposed to many racist, sexist, and misogynoir ideologies that are harmful to many minority groups and women. It’s important that we don’t enter a relationship upholding stereotypical views to a group that your partner is a part of, it is not their sole job to educate you on the plight many groups have suffered. It's important to do the work to learn more about a culture if you're going to potentially start a life with someone.

“I'ma break you off, let me be your Fetishzation?”: Definitely check your motivations at the door! Dating is based on making genuine love connections. It’s not cool to simply date another ethnicity simply out of lustful conquest. You're just objectifying them. I’ve heard ridiculous notions from “Black women are animals in the sheets”, “Latin women are Spicy Lovers”, and “Asian women are sexually submissive in bed”. Sometimes fetishzation can be disguised as “admiration”, just make sure you're admiring the cultural differences in your relationship rather than sexualizing the “exotic” parts of your partner.

You’re not Anti-anything if you date outside your race. Some may believe that dating outside your race means that you don’t like yourself or the ethnic group you're a part of, somehow trying to gain a new culture via your romantic partner. As cliche as it sounds, “love is love” and you can’t help or don’t know who the person you fall in love will be. This can happen over time with friendships and the same can be said for dating. You don’t know who you’re gonna connect with.

It’s something new: the blending of cultures, customs, and cuisines can be a beautiful and delicious experience. Food is definitely the best part, it's an expression of love to me. I have a great love for Latin, Indian, and Thai cuisine. It's so delicious I just want to learn more and how to recreate the dish in the most authentic way. You can use a similar attitude when dating interracially, there’s just so many opportunities to learn something new and also for you to share your own experiences. My favorite part of my interracial relationship experience was the sharing of language. It was fun learning how to speak Spanish and to learn more about Loíza, Puerto Rico, a part of the island I was very unfamiliar with.

Heightened Awareness: Overall, your awareness heightens in an interracial relationship as you must intake a different view of yourself, your partner, and how you are received in the world. It will encourage you to communicate honestly about race, gender, and inequalities. This will help strengthen your relationship.

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Let us know down in the comments your experience with interracial dating.